How to Chat With a Girl on Facebook Before Asking Her Out

Wondering how to ask a girl out on Facebook? Here are some tips for starting a conversation with a girl on Facebook and securing a date.

Thanks to the internet, you no longer have to physically approach someone you’re interested in to ask them out. Now, free dating apps can help you connect with potential mates and chat with them electronically.

But what happens if a girl catches your eye on Facebook? How do you start a conversation with a girl on Facebook and get to know her, without scaring her off?

Let’s discuss some important advice about how to approach a girl on Facebook and increase your chances of going on a date.

1. Make Sure Your Facebook Profile Isn’t Weird

Years ago, most people were quick to accept any Facebook friend requests that came their way. Now, thanks to regular Facebook scams and spammers, savvy users won’t add people they don’t know.

So before you even send a girl a friend request or start chatting, take a look at your own Facebook profile. Make sure you’re using a clear photo of yourself and not some animated character or random picture of nature. If you have an inside joke as your middle name, change it so it doesn’t look strange. Make sure your school and place of work are accurate so she can identify you.

She’ll likely give your profile a look before she decides whether to accept your friend request, so make sure it represents you well.

2. Consider Your Approach for the First Message

Once you’ve cleaned up your profile, your next step is considering what your relationship with this girl is. How to best start a conversation with a girl on Facebook depends on how well you know her.

If she’s a new girl you’ve never met before and have no connections to: Good luck. You might as well send her a friend request and hope for the best. If you send her a message it will likely end up in her filtered inbox, where she’ll never see it. You don’t have many options aside from sending her a request.

If you’re not Facebook friends with her but you have mutual friends: Are there any pictures or something else interesting on Facebook that involve the two of you? Perhaps you both went to a festival with mutual friends and there’s a picture that has both of you tagged in it. Commenting something general about the event on that photo will at least let her know you exist. Try doing something like that before you send her a friend request, so she has an idea of who you are.

If you’re already Facebook friends with her: Consider asking her out via another method other than Facebook. If you’re too nervous to do this, send her a message letting her know that you’re headed to an event happening this weekend and you’d like her to come along. Don’t turn it into a “date” and don’t put any pressure on the situation. Ideally, you should gather some friends together to go, so it’s a group of friends hanging out rather than a proper “date.”

Nearly every situation will fall into one of these three scenarios. To ask a girl out on Facebook, you must have some kind of friend connection with her so she sees your messages. If you haven’t sent her a friend request yet, it all falls on whether she accepts it or not.

3. How to Chat With a Girl on Facebook

Let’s suppose that the girl you’re crushing on decides to add you as a friend on Facebook. Now you’re able to contact her through Messenger. Assuming she doesn’t know you very well, your initial message should introduce yourself and assure her that you’re not a spammer or a weirdo.

If you have mutual friends, start by mentioning who you both know, like this:

“Hi Molly, I’m Josh! Facebook told me that we both know Sarah Smith, and I remember talking to you once at a Smash Mouth concert. Have you heard their newest album?”

This lets her know who you are because you have a mutual friend and discusses something that you’re both interested in right away. It’s a simple and effective first message, even for a girl you barely know.

4. How to Ask a Girl Out on Facebook (Appropriately)

After you’ve chatted for a bit on Facebook, you should stop and gauge the interactions so far before proceeding. When you’ve messaged her, does she respond in a timely manner? Is there back-and-forth conversation, or do you tend to get one-word answers like “Yeah” and “OK”? Has she expressed any interest in you, or does it feel like she’s simply putting up with you?

Consider these questions carefully. If you’ve both had a great time talking and it seems like like she’d be receptive to meeting up, give it a try. But if she doesn’t seem interested when you’re making pleasant conversation, it’s likely that she isn’t interested in a date.

At this point, if you don’t want to ask her on a date just yet, try asking her for her phone number. That way, you can communicate through texting or a messaging app like WhatsApp. Using this, you can try talking more often throughout the day instead of using only Facebook.

Should you sense an interest after a bit of chatting on another plaftorm, you can try asking her out via a phone call instead of Facebook. That should have better results and is more personal.

The Big Moment: Asking Her Out

If you want to forgo all of this and ask a girl out (or “toast” a girl, as some say) on Facebook now, phrase the question tastefully. People know that others on the internet aren’t always who they seem, so you don’t want to do anything strange.

For instance, you certainly don’t want to ask her to go to some remote location with you alone. You can suggest spending time in a group similar to the above, or try something like this pretty safe request:

“Norah, I’ve really enjoyed chatting with you over these past few weeks and I’d love to take you on a date. What do you think about meeting for coffee at the Starbucks on Oak Avenue this Saturday afternoon?”

Note two important facets of this: meeting in a public place, and giving a specific time for a date. You don’t want to ask her to go up to your grandparents’ cabin in the woods with you for a weekend, as that’s creepy.

It’s also important to avoid generalizations when it comes to the details of the date. Don’t leave it open to “hang out sometime.” Instead, mention a specific date and time frame so she can give you a straight answer. Make it clear that this is a date and you’re interested in being more than friends.