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7 Solutions That Can Save a Relationship

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7 Solutions That Can Save a Relationship
It’s the rare couple that doesn’t run into a few bumps in the road. If you recognize ahead of time, though, what those relationship problems might be, you’ll have a much better chance of getting past them.

Even though every relationship has its ups and downs, successful couples have learned how to manage the bumps and keep their love life going, says marriage and family therapist Mitch Temple.

Relationship Problem: Communication

All relationship problems stem from poor communication.

Problem-solving strategies:

  • Make an actual appointment with each other, Oluwaseun says. If you live together, put the cell phones on vibrate, put the kids to bed, and let voicemail pick up your calls.
  • If you can’t “communicate” without raising your voices, go to a public spot like the library, park, or restaurant where you’d be embarrassed if anyone saw you screaming.
  • Set up some rules. Try not to interrupt until your partner is through speaking, or ban phrases such as “You always …” or “You never ….”
  • Use body language to show you’re listening. Don’t doodle, look at your watch, or pick at your nails. Nod so the other person knows you’re getting the message, and rephrase if you need to.

Relationship Problem: Money

Money problems can start even before the wedding vows are exchanged. They can stem, for example, from the expenses of courtship or from the high cost of a wedding. The National Foundation for Credit Counseling (NFCC) recommends that couples who have money woes take a deep breath and have a serious conversation about finances.

Problem-solving strategies:

  • Be honest about your current financial situation. If things have gone south, continuing the same lifestyle is unrealistic.
  • Don’t approach the subject in the heat of battle. Instead, set aside a time that is convenient and non-threatening for both of you.
  • Acknowledge that one partner may be a saver and one a spender, understand there are benefits to both, and agree to learn from each other’s tendencies.
  • Don’t hide income or debt. Bring financial documents, including a recent credit report, pay stubs, bank statements, insurance policies, debts, and investments to the table.
  • Don’t blame.
  • Construct a joint budget that includes savings.
  • Decide which person will be responsible for paying the monthly bills.
  • Allow each person to have independence by setting aside money to be spent at their discretion.
  • Decide upon short-term and long-term goals. It’s OK to have individual goals, but you should have family goals, too.
  • Talk about caring for your parents as they age and how to appropriately plan for their financial needs if needed.

Relationship Problem: Struggles Over Home Chores

Most partners work outside the home and often at more than one job. So it’s important to fairly divide the labor at home.

Problem-solving strategies:

  • Be open to other solutions, she says. If you both hate housework, maybe you can spring for a cleaning service. If one of you likes housework, the other partner can do the laundry and the yard. You can be creative and take preferences into account — as long as it feels fair to both of you.

Relationship Problem: Not Making Your Relationship a Priority

If you want to keep your love life going, making your relationship a focal point should not end when you say “I do.

Problem-solving strategies:

  • Do the things you used to do when you were first dating: Show appreciation, compliment each other, contact each other through the day, and show interest in each other.
  • Plan date nights. Schedule time together on the calendar just as you would any other important event in your life.
  • Respect one another. Say “thank you,” and “I appreciate…” It lets your partner know that they matter.

Relationship Problem: Conflict

When you make the effort, you can lessen the anger and take a calm look at underlying issues.

Problem-solving strategies:

You and your partner can learn to argue in a more civil, helpful manner, Silverman says. Make these strategies part of who you are in this relationship.

  • Realize you are not a victim. It is your choice whether you react and how you react.
  • Be honest with yourself. When you’re in the midst of an argument, are your comments geared toward resolving the conflict, or are you looking for payback? If your comments are blaming and hurtful, it’s best to take a deep breath and change your strategy.
  • Change it up. If you continue to respond in the way that’s brought you pain and unhappiness in the past, you can’t expect a different result this time. Just one little shift can make a big difference. If you usually jump right in to defend yourself before your partner is finished speaking, hold off for a few moments. You’ll be surprised at how such a small shift in tempo can change the whole tone of an argument.
  • Give a little; get a lot. Apologize when you’re wrong. Sure it’s tough, but just try it and watch something wonderful happen.

“You can’t control anyone else’s behavior,” Silverman says. “The only one in your charge is you.”

Relationship Problem: Trust

Trust is a key part of a relationship. Do you see certain things that cause you not to trust your partner? Or do you have unresolved issues that prevent you from trusting others?

Problem-solving strategies:

You and your partner can develop trust in each other by following these tips, Fay says.

  • Be consistent.
  • Be on time.
  • Do what you say you will do.
  • Don’t lie — not even little white lies to your partner or to others.
  • Be fair, even in an argument.
  • Be sensitive to the other’s feelings. You can still disagree, but don’t discount how your partner is feeling.
  • Call when you say you will.
  • Call to say you’ll be home late.
  • Respect your partner’s boundaries.
  • Don’t be jealous.
  • Be a good listener.

Even though there are always going to be problems in a relationship, Oluwaseun says you both can do things to minimize marriage problems, if not avoid them altogether.

Finally, be willing to work on your relationship and to truly look at what needs to be done. Don’t think that things would be better with someone else. Unless you address problems, the same lack of skills that get in the way now will still be there and still cause problems no matter what relationship you’re in.

Ikuesan Oluwaseun (CEO OFOFONOBS) is a Nigerian news carrier blogger, writer, entrepreneur and a web developer. We bring you the Nigerian News, Music and All Informative Messages On This Medium. Connect With Me Via: IG/Twitter: @ofofonobs Call/Whatsapp: +2348114313795

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